This is probably going to be the final entry in this blog.

A few nights ago I had a dream.

I was in the office in work, two co-workers were in with me, one just pottering in the corridor outside, I was talking my usual work-gibberish as if it wasn’t even a dream.

My phone ringing interrupted DreamDan’s monologue to which I answered, shushing my colleagues as if the phone call potentially promised pressing news.

Hello….?” I asked anxiously.

Interestingly, I couldn’t hear what was said on the phone, but I continued the conversation as if I could.

R….really?! Seriously!”

My free hand waving around excitedly as my colleagues all look on at me, clearly in this little dream dimension I had banged on about the anticipation of this phone call for a while.

Oh my god!!! Thank you SO much! Is….Is there anywhere in particular I’m going??………..That’s amazing! Thank you sooooo much!”.

I hang up…..

I GOT IT!” I scream as me, and the colleagues do a little hug and jump celebration. It was clear that DreamDan had landed a job abroad.

I woke up in my bed, duvet sprawled onto the clothes riddled floor, I check my phone, I’ve two hours until work and that familiar feeling of dread washes over me.

I set off to work, a now 45 minute uphill walk.

I sign in, and the same old routine begins again. Same odious, irritating, and bland customers I’m all too used to seeing on a daily basis as they follow the exact same routine themselves of gambling away their collected 20p’s and feverishly buy the cheapest ciders they can find. All the while carrying around a stench that can be smelt from half a shop away.

I return home, and essentially do little to nothing, unless some form of activity is planned in advance. I flirt with the idea of going to the gym, flirt with the idea of writing up a blog, heck, maybe push forward a romance that’s been on the cards for an actual length of months….But again, like every time…Nothing really comes of it.

I think I’m stuck in a rut.

In many aspects I have little to complain about. I have a litany of friends who constantly want to see me, I’m among the first invited to plans made. My colleagues are desperate in their attempts to get me on a staff night out as “it’ll be boring without me”

My love life, whilst a fucking mess is an entertaining one, and one worth writing and reading about.

Yet, here I am with this intense dissatisfaction in pretty much everything lately.

I can’t pinpoint when it happened. It’s recent, it’s lingering, and it’s fucking soul destroying.

I lie here, 4.30 in the morning the dawn of a New Year approaching, waiting for it to hit so I can try and make a decent start to it.

There’s an actual list of things I want to change about myself, my lack of drive, my lack of boldness, my lack of warmth, and these are just mental aspects.

I work in a place in which….On a good day, a really good day. I tolerate.

I see a romantic prospect wither away because I toyed around too much with it, or just lacked the balls to take it to any other step than ‘prospect’.

I look at pictures from just a year and a half ago in which I was bossing my weight loss journey.

And I look back to when my last post in this blog was posted…..June.

Odds are I’m going to abandon this one and start a fresh one come January.

I’ve always hated the saying “New Year, New Me”. But as this year, by all means a good year draws to an end, I welcome 2018 sceptically as I want…….I need this year to be the year I get my shit together, as I cannot allow myself to be this person much longer.

I just can’t.


About danodanz

26 year old British guy who moans, goes on tangents, rants about inane things and gets himself into all sorts of bizarre situations. Despite this everyone loves him.
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2 Responses to This is probably going to be the final entry in this blog.

  1. Don’t go. I love the way you write!


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