Really Shit Dory Plushes.

Currently residing on my bed lives more plushes and teddies than any self respecting 26 year old man would admit.

This ‘gang’ of sorts also boasts a few Disney critters in the name of Abu, Baymax and Simba. That said, I’m always on the lookout for more plushes that can easily be used as an impromptu pillow.

Having watched Finding Dory recently I pondered with the possibility as having our short sighted friend as a new addition to the bed.

A quick five minute hunt online proves this would be awful idea.

Dory, doesn’t appear to complicated a character to capture the essence of in plush form, yet here I am writing up this post.

Just a few seconds of searching led me to this..

Since when did Dory have a five foot face? At what point in the film was this five foot face 90% dominated by her giant, intimidating and all ocean consuming mouth?

Disgruntled at best, I continued my search hoping this was maybe just a blip in the hunt.

Then I saw this……

Fuck me.

With dead eyes that could somehow stare into the abyss of your soul, this gormless Dory could have been yours for, I shit you not £20.

I get that Dory has short term memory loss, but to give her a look of utter loss and disdain towards all life is a bit harsh.

Clutching straws, I figure something cheaper would actually be better than whatever the fuck I just saw was..

Well, on the bright side Dory doesn’t look so abused now.

The dark side however? The five foot face has returned, and instead of her mouth taking over said face it instead looks like Dory has eaten a proverbial shit load of sour sweets and just can’t handle it. That, or Marlin’s told a really shitty joke and Dory’s trying her best to force a smile for his confidence.

This isn’t even the right fucking colour.

Even if we put that aside, Dory…As opposed to being a lovable, forgetful friend and sidekick looks like she should be hanging out at the grungiest, grottiest, fish bar. Ordering a Carling Special cider just because it’s got the highest alcohol percentage, followed by a casual racist rant at the minority fish.

Marlin: Hey, Dory keep an eye out for Nemo, will ya?

Dory Literally keeps her eyes out

What in the actual shit is this meant to be??

Not one single person could have seen that in the factory and thought “Yes”

That is Dory”

Of all the Dory’s I have seen that is the Doriest of them all”

It looks like someone painted Dory’s colour scheme over a Flounder plush and caved its fucking face in with a brick for forty-five minutes.

The eyes aren’t even.

The fins are in no way placed in a helpful place for any fish.

It seems to have a fish Mohawk??!

Why?

You know what’s a really, really bad idea?

If you’re going to make a really bad Dory plush, then don’t put the actual character ANYWHERE near said bad plush, the difference will only be more comparable.

Dory simply looks……Lazy and a hindrance in this form.

Imagine if in lieu of the real Dory we were treated to this Dory in the film.

Marlin in a panic searching for the boat that has taken his only son, bumps into Dory.

Dory slowly recollects that she’s seen a boat, and ever so slowly dawdles off in a floppy attempt at swimming.

A boat?!”

-Long heavy inhalation sound-

I’ve seen…..a….boat”

-Long heavy exhalation sound-

Foll…….ow……me”

They then encounter Bruce, but something seems different about him…..

Ahhhhhh, yes. He’s aged about eighty years and is too busy recollecting the horrors of Pearl Harbour to actually eat them.

I Don’t know why, but I can only imagine the lovable voice of Dory being replaced by a dorky strong Texan accent.

I think dur boat went datta way, Hyuk hyuk hyuk!”

Fucking hell, imagine waking up to this in staring you down in the dead of night.

Doesn’t help that the material makes it look like Dory’s rocking a really shitty Beetle’s-esque haircut and mutton chop combo.

Why the hell is her tail fin so thick too?

Ho.

Lee.

Fuck.

In what third dimension of hell was this monstrosity created? Had the maker even seen Finding Nemo?

In a cruel twist of irony the back/middle part is actually on form then BOOM. The absolute boat wreck of a face makes itself strongly evident.

It’s so top heavy that it’s actually tittering over, probably the fish alternative of the Elephant man or something, and probably looking at the cruel possibility that Dory will in fact “Just keep swimming” put the only direction she’ll be swimming is down.

Rapidly.

Suffice to say I have not purchased a Dory plush.

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About danodanz

26 year old British guy who moans, goes on tangents, rants about inane things and gets himself into all sorts of bizarre situations. Despite this everyone loves him.
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4 Responses to Really Shit Dory Plushes.

  1. emma says:

    Dan this was so funny! I was laughing out loud at many points! Have you ever thought of doing this as a profession? At least write a book!

    Like

    • danodanz says:

      Thank you sweet! I have been as a matter of fact, though I’d have to neglect the Disney posts because they’ll sue the socks off me (ironic seeing as they’re Disney themed right now) but the posts regarding the strange happenings of my life will be good to go!

      Back to the blog and Disney though, Sully from Monsters Inc was my next shopping attempt 😉

      x

      Like

  2. emma says:

    P.s how do I post on Facebook so my brother can read this? I think he will love this story!

    Like

  3. emma says:

    Never mind. I found the post button!

    Like

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