Dan Random Reviews: Vase.

Purchased from: Sainsburys.

Regular Retail Price: £35

Discounted Price: £10

Lately I’ve been taking a bit more pride in my room, after all your bedroom is essentially the window to ones soul, and not only that but providing like me, you live in a shared house a good 80% of your time will be spent inside the room so you want it looking respectable and a reflection of ones self.

As such, I decided to add some natural beauty to my room and decorate it with flowers.

The first step however was buying a vase.

See, I didn’t just want any old glass vase, no no no. I wanted to be a bit more… I dunno, qwerky? Either way my hunt ended at Sainsburys with a heavily discounted white vase.

Big, heavy and not attention grabbing enough to take focus from the flowers I decided I was set.

Lugging the heavy thing home, I picture how pretty much new arrangement will be, a £7 bouquet generously reduced (by me) to £1.49, how could you possibly go wrong?


I will tell you how…

Look at the picture of the vase once more. Look how fucking thin the top is? How on earth is any bouquet meant to fit through that?

Trimming the flowers, I try desperately to fit them in. This did not work so I quite literlly had to empty out a Volvic bottle and use them..

Bewildered by the set of events, I just put the prettier flowers in the now water filled vase and leave it at that.

We move on to a few weeks later, the flowers have wilted in the Volvic bottle and vase alike. However the flowers in the vase are somehow moldy at the stem. What on earth?

I decide to give the flower vase a bath and let it soak to get ride of the mildew, few hours pass and the vase is in a fucking worst state than before.

I now go for a more delicate approach and opt to wipe it down instead, at this point I see printed clear as day at the bottom of the vase.


It’s a vase.

For flowers.

A vase that

A: Can’t fit 90% of the flowers I buy in it

B: Can’t have the flowers main life source inside it

So now I’m left with a heavy, weird shaped, molding vase that specifically cannot hold living flowers, only presumably artificial ones. Unless it can’t hold plastic either.

Maybe this is poor attention to detail on my part. Maybe it’s misplaced optimism but I’d be an upset chap if I had paid the full retail price of £35 for whatever this vase is trying to be.

As a result, I am giving this random review product a rating of Two Dan Heads.


Dan tip: Volvic water bottles are quite pretty emergency flower vases.



About danodanz

26 year old British guy who moans, goes on tangents, rants about inane things and gets himself into all sorts of bizarre situations. Despite this everyone loves him.
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